does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
