just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
