What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She told me I should be a condom model.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
