i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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