Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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