And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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