In the future we'll all be gay
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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