I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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