He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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