just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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