I met the friendliest cop last night
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
