hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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