It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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