i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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