After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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