yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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