Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
