my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
