So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
