Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
