and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
