i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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