i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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