Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
