Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
