Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
