I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
