My cat gives me a boner
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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