It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
