yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway