I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?