but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...