Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
