I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?