im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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