No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
