Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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