Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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