I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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