i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
