Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
