Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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