I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
