and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
