You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
