so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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