if you like me you must not know who I am
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
