the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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