the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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