I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
