Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
