I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
