I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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