I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
