Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
