meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
