Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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