How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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