i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
