Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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