My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
