I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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