when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
