I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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