Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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