I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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