i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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