You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
