Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't make out with my wife yet
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
