So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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