her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
