So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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