I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
