gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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