You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
