Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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