My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
