remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
