My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
