She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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