I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
