As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
