somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
