I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
