Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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