I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
