Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
